Babies, BlogHer and complete and utter denial: a self-pitying rant.
So I was 38 weeks pregnant yesterday.
And yet I still hold a valid ticket and hotel reservation for this.
Seriously. SERIOUSLY. This conference is less than one month after my due date. Back over the winter when I was.... obviously delusional? I thought, I'll just get a ticket. Who knows, maybe she'll be early and then it won't be a problem!!
Well, she's not early, at least not yet. And even if she is.... it makes no sense.
I cannot drag a newborn to Chicago for a conference. And it's not like I can leave her behind. Seriously, logically, using all my sanity I know I can't go.
And oh my great goodness gracious, it's KILLING me.
My brain knows that going to Chicago on July 23 when I will have - even if I went in to labour *rightnow* - a month old baby in tow would be an operation in sheer insanity. I'd need to start the paperwork process to get her a passport instantly. We'd have to organize flights, cars, carseats, diapers, strollers, slings. Schlep the kid into a taxi, into a hotel, then schlep her all around the conference. Try to figure out which sessions to attend, and which ones to skip, or whether I could make any sessions at all. Try to feed. Try to diaper. Try to sleep. Try to figure out if I can make it to any parties with a baby or whether I'm mental for even considering it.
I mean, let's be blunt. At 5 or less weeks, would I even be able to stand up straight? Will my nipples be hamburger? Episiotomies, c-section scars, unbelievable amounts of hair loss? The possibilities for torture are endless.
But I want to go.
There is no awesomeness like BlogHer awesomeness. It's the conference that leaves you both exhausted and exhilarated. Drained and yet filled with new love and ideas and strength and energy; the great big feeling of 'I can conquer the world with my MacBook!' and I LOVE that feeling.
And there are a lot of people that I really want to see. People I won't see for at least another year after this, and if I let this opportunity go I'll be disappointed.
But I'll have a newborn, who at this rate will barely have her eyes open. And that makes this entire thing a complete impossibility. Hell, even trying to make it to Nova Scotia to meet my family the first weekend in August will be pushing it.
I know I need to just give my ticket up. I know I need to just cancel my hotel. I know I probably won't even notice the conference going on what with being immersed in newborn-ness. I need to just face the fact that have something more important to do this year, and console myself with the fact that next year I will be all over the joint like dirty on a shirt.
But. Still. WAAAH. I want the friends and the parties and the swag. I want the sessions and the talks and the laughter. I have this vision of wandering around, kid in a sling, me serene and put together and not at all stressed, having a lovely glass of wine while she sleeps the day away.
Honestly, I would even take the vision of me still in maternity pants, wearing the same stained t-shirt I've been wearing for the last three days, staring off in to space in a corner at the Sheraton, just to be there. Just let me get to Chicago and I promise to stay home and behave like a properly harassed new mother for at least six months afterward, scout's honor!
But I don't think either of those visions display much of a level of sanity, now do they?
I need your help, people. Please, tell me I'm crazy for even considering it, that staying home is the *right* thing to do.
Or at least tell me you'll pick me up some swag.
Posts
24 things to say:
OK. You're not crazy and you can go. Heck, I schlepped my newborn to board meetings hundreds of miles from home more than once right after he was born. It feels overwhelming when you think about it. Don't think! People naturally want to help a new mother, and you're going to be surrounded by women who have been there and know how to help. Go, go, go!!!
I won't tell you you're crazy either! Obviously if you end up with a c-section, it is a different story. But if you have a vaginal birth, you'll be up and moving in no time!
I started playing ultimate 10 days postpartum. BlogHer is completely doable. Let me know if you need to borrow any slings to match your outfits.
I currently have a 3 week old and I don't think you are nuts at all - go!
Except the passport thing... not sure what you can do there...
OK, this is NOT what I was expecting, hah. I totally expected everyone to tell me I was nuts for even considering it!
The hell of it is - I can't make a final decision til she shows. Which could be tomorrow or 4 weeks from now. So even deciding to try to go is not deciding, KWIM? GAH.
I took my youngest to England when he was 5 weeks old. He had a passport. You can do it!
I feel exactly the same way (though without a newborn but with a very pg belly). I already let it go. I'm sure you CAN do it if you want to. I'm certain you can do anything you put your mind to. But... I wouldn't have wanted to do all that in the first few weeks. I'd have been very wary of germs (especially on a pane and in crowds) and I'd have been paranoid the whole time.
Morgan - you can get a passport in as quick as two days - if I can make it to the passport office.
Michelle - I did SXSW at 26ish weeks and it was not fun. Thanks for reminding me of that, actually. I wanted to be enjoying myself but I was so exhausted that it was kind of impossible to do so. I'm not so paranoid about the germs - I'll have her in a sling so she'll be pretty tucked away most of the time - but still, given that most *adults* manage to catch some BlogHerBola bug after the conference, it's a good point.
I don't know if you could get a passport that quickly - heck, it took at least 5 weeks just to get the birth certificate from the city of Ottawa.
Good point Lana - I hadn't thought of that. Hrm.
So it looks like it's a two week wait at minimum for a birth certificate. That could be the whole thing done and dusted right there.
I'd also love to be there, but I had to let it go for this year. Hope you can make it in the end!
Shannon I have a friend who flew without her partner from Oslo to Toronto with her 6 week old. I think it's much easier with a wee one than with an older child - they sleep a lot, they can't run away, they fit in the snugli/beco/whatever. You can do it!
I did not give birth to our daughter but I did schlep her around China and on and off several long flights. We then continued flying around, moving and taking looooong car trips for her first 2 years. It was fine, she was portable and amenable and certainly did not come to any harm from all the hustle and bustle. I did not even have the luxury of nursing and we still coped.
However, I think there's a good chance that this question will look very different to you once she makes her entrance. I can't say go/don't go, but do you really have to decide right now?
My $0.02
Wendy
I alternate between days where I feel like having a baby has not changed me one bit and we can up and go on a moment's notice. Then there are the days that I stay in my jammies all day and the thought of going outside with a newborn and the planning that goes into gathering all the necessary items to take with me just to go to the store is more than I can handle. I put things off for days to avoid the whole ordeal and sometimes get hubby to do something as simple as go to the store for milk because that would be more than I can deal with if the babe all of a sudden wants to be fed, like NOW. Let me tell you, there is nothing more stressing than an infant screaming their head off at the most inopportune time that requires being fed ASAP...and for the record, they have impeccable timing.
Tough call! There is no way to know how you'll feel and how the baby will be. I'm sure if you were determined you could pull it off (passport and all). It's such a personal decision! I wouldn't have attempted it myself, but I'm not particularly brave.
Yeah, the passport wouldn't take to long... it was the birth certificate I was wondering about...
Unfortunately you won't know how you feel about it all until you get there!
I obviously dealt less well with a newborn than others, because I think you are absolutely flipping crazy to even consider it. I'd never do it. Not in a million.
But you could probably manage it :)
I am lion & hear me roar!
That's what I'm hearing in these comments. Every birthing experience is different, but with my two experiences, I personally think you're nuts even considering it.
Why add stress to your life when you don't really need to?
Enjoy the early days. Let people spoil you. Enjoy the summer. Nap when you can. Go for a stroll to the coffee shop. Get an ice cream. Visit with friends. Spend time together with your other half and beagle and enjoy the new "family". Ah ... zen ...
I wouldn't go, I'd stay home and enjoy your time with your daughter.
Heather
One thing will get you: sleep deprivation. Not every baby is a textbook feeder at three hour interval. My dude ate every 1.5 - 2 hours and it took him 45-60 mind to feed off of one boob. The only way you will know if you can go is to wait until afterward to see how you feel and how you're adjusting being a mom. I still need to plan when is the best time to brush my teeth.
I'd have to say stay home. You will miss seeing some friends or meeting new people, but because you cannot know when the baby will actually come, can't know how easy or hard the delivery will be and can't know how well you will take to nursing etc, it is much easier on you to just make some peace now with the decision to stay home and bond with your little one and go to BlogHer next year.
I found the first 6 weeks (well okay the first year, but especially the first 6 weeks, lol) to be really, really draining. I needed my husband and friends around. And honestly my husband would have been hurt to have missed out on some of the early days because I wanted to go to a conference.
Hope you have a wonderful labor and easy recovery, but definitely plan for not so perfect and cancel your BlogHer plans for this year (although if you do come, well, look for me, I would be happy to snuggle a newborn for a minute!)
For what it's worth? I'm not going for exactly the same reasons.
BlogHer is a full-immersion experience, and I know myself well enough to know that with a newborn, it wouldn't be.
Not that I'm not entirely bummed about missing what I'll be missing, or that watching Tweets all day is as good as the real thing, but I decided a long time ago to take the pressure off myself.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the whole newborn thing won't be so hard and traveling and planes and conferencing wouldn't be especially taxing - especially with so many ppl there willing and able to help.
But on the off-chance that I'm still a stressy, weepy mess and simply don't want to deal with it all, I took the option off the table. For THIS one.
See you in '10? :)
You're not crazy! My parents flew from British Columbia to Texas to show me off when I was 8 days old. Seriously. And I feel you on the have you had that baby yet and I'm only 36 weeks along :)
I wish I could go, too. Too bad it sold out in MARCH! *Pouts* Though my problem has nothing to do with labor, ha.
I think childbirth will be more rewarding than a blogging conference though, when it all boils down to it.
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